3 mistakes from my post-epileptic life.

Chaotic mistakes lead to straighter and defined alternatives.

Hi there, hope you are well and safe. Here, I would like to discuss 3 major mistakes I made after my diagnosis with epilepsy. These mistakes were the start of what I would call the downfall of my life. But the worst part is that these events led to nothing but pure pain and regret for life and epilepsy. Anyway without further ado let me introduce you to the mistakes with the hope that you learn from them.

1) Not seeking help:

The first mistake which started the ball rolling into the pit of nothingness. First thing which I should have done after my doctor gave the word and declared me as an epileptic. This would have saved me a lot of time, pain, friends, relationships and loved ones. But I think this happened for a good reason (I’ll tell you why later at the end). The first thing which I could have done was to talk to someone who was mature, someone who would understand my pain, and someone who was in the same shoes as I was. By this, I don’t mean a friend or some relative, talking to them won’t mean any harm (to me or them) but I was so afraid of the taboo and stigma associated with the word ‘Epilepsy’ that I decided to not talk about it. I desperately wanted to seek help but under the pressure and for the sake of my loved ones, I kept it under the wraps. So it naturally ruled out anyone who was close to me. It was maddening, I was afraid to talk to my own loved ones about my own health. It was futile. It only kept me far and distant from them.

But instead, what I could have done was to seek help from my doctor, a psychiatrist or a group of people who dealt with such problems (mind you, there are some out there). Anyway due to my limited reach and lack of emotional stability things got only worse.

So, if you are reading this don’t be afraid of reaching out to someone whom you trust and can understand your problems, be it a parent, friend or relative. But according to my experiences I would suggest talking to the doctor or someone who has been living with epilepsy for long. You can find them on support groups. They can help you and your family deal with epilepsy better than usual since they are more experienced. Their combined experiences and the efforts for helping can really see you through the problems well. Perhaps you can join me and my group (Click on the links at ‘Join Me’ Page). Take your time and trust the God (Yes, there is someone out there looking for you, so for the lack of better word I stick to God).

2) Not breaking out the news to close ones:

This one hurt me a lot emotionally, physically and mentally. I was trapped in a maze of people who would know about me and those who wouldn’t. Breaking out your problems especially health ones are often a big deal for people (even though it shouldn’t), but when it came to epilepsy the taboo and the feelings of shame had become shackles which were pulling me only deeper in the dense ocean of thoughtless world. It had made me obscure, cloudy and my head just wanted to explode out of the anger and the discrimination which I had to face.

It was only after a few bad experiences I learnt that the people in this world don’t really care for anyone, not even their own blood. I thought if I shared my health issues with them they might guide me, I was proven wrong. They would mistreat me, bully me and perhaps things which should not be mentioned. But then came some good ones too. They tried helping me, offered their warm hands. But I refused and decided to walk alone. I mindlessly broke off and stopped being in touch with anyone who could have helped me. My mind wandered alone in the nights and ran in the day only to end it without being hurt and hurting anyone. 

But there were a few people whom I met occasionally, out of common space and time. They knew I had hard time figuring things out, so they kept me to myself and didn’t let others bother me either. But it was too late, the damage had already been done. 

So if you have read it till here, trust me disclose about your condition to someone whom you trust wholeheartedly. Even if you have talk to the mirror or that cat on the branch. It is none of my business whom you say it too. Just make sure that they don’t take any advantage of you or your condition. Accept the fact that you are who you are.

Realize and learn from your past errors.

Start slow and steady.

3) Self-Damnation:

This one is pretty self-explanatory. I cursed myself for each and every other event which happened in my life. Yes, even the things which were beyond my control. I conjugated myself with anger, lust, and hopelessness in the blind idea of getting better and cure epilepsy. I was always hard on myself, always looking for a way to punish and curse myself. But I ended up being in the wrong alley of the town only making things worse for myself. This last mistake made me realize how wrong I was, the whole time.

I tried to get myself together and learned to deal with things as they were without pushing myself to the edge, by bringing and maintaining some order in life.

With time and efforts, I started to take hold my life and made life changing decisions which would help me a lot in long run.

To conclude for each mistake,

1) I would say a support group or at the very least someone who has been through epilepsy can really help you deal with it better and I am sure they would not refuse to help either (unless they are jerks).

2) Now, most of my closed ones (people who are real tight) know about my epilepsy. They come from all spheres of life and have accepted me as I am. Even if they didn’t, I have accepted myself as who I am. It wasn’t easy for me but it was worth it.

3) Later with time, I joined a local support group in the town (Samman Association, Mumbai). It helped me a lot and made me understand how I could have done things for myself and lead a happy life. But I have no regrets anymore, whatever happened, happened for the better.

Do join me on Telegram and Facebook, wish you well. See ya and don’t forget to leave your thoughts behind.

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